"So, do you think...can you, can you help me?" asked Daniel with a complete lack of confidence. The psychologist showed no sign of acknowledgement, his eyes firmly staring at the ground, focused but indifferent . Daniel already knew what the man was staring at, it was a piece of broken glass, likely from a drinking glass that shattered there before he had arrived. Why the psychologist had not cleaned the mess and why he was now staring intently at the broken glass, Daniel did not know. He was used to being ignored by others and in situations like this one, Daniel had learned to take mutual silence as his cue to shut up or leave. This particular situation was, however, different, at least from his perspective. The psychologist had been paid to do a job, a job which he was now silently ignoring. Daniel made no effort to control his displeasure and let out a bark that was quite unlike him: "Hey, I do not pay you to waste my time, I pay you to listen to me and fucking help!".
The psychologist broke his trance like obsession with the glass and looked directly at Daniel. "I'm terribly sorry, Daniel, I am not having the best of days, but I beg of you, please do continue." Daniel was taken aback and paused for a bit. He did not expect to grab the man's attention so easily "I...I need an answer to all that I've told you about, I need a way to fix my life, I can't go on like this, everything feels so empty and meaningless, I have no one, nobody cares about me, nobody wants me, I just want..." He hesitated but with a pitiful sigh he finished the sentence "...to die". "Now, Daniel, we both know that is not true, you just want your voice to be heard and for someone to acknowledge your existence, but these are not things you should worry yourself with, right now. Our time is almost up, wouldn't you rather go outside and enjoy the rest of the day? It's quite pleasant out there." Daniel felt stupid for having said he wanted to die and even though he was not at all closer to an answer to his life crisis, he got ready to leave.
The psychologist smiled at him and urged him out. "Go on, the weather is very nice outside, it won't last forever.". Daniel forced himself to smile back. He got up, turned around, and started walking towards the door. On his way, he couldn't help but notice the pile of glass which seemed larger than before. The pieces of glass were small, the size of peanuts and seemed to be of similar shapes and sizes. They were not the remnants of a drinking glass, this was something else. He was certain it looked like laminated glass, the kind car windshields are made of and there was enough broken glass on the floor to have been just that, but it made no sense. Why would the psychologist keep a broken windshield in his office? He felt like he didn't actually need to know what the glass had been before it shattered, since it was none of his business anyway, and moved on. Daniel opened the door to the office and the sight had made him forget all about the glass. In front of him there was an ocean of purity, the brightest sun he had ever seen and a beach that he could only have ever witnessed in a dream. The beach and the ocean stretched parallel towards the horizon with no end in sight. His fears subsided and the sound of the waves gently crashing against the sand called to him. The sun filled him with warmth and the wind rubbed against his face. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to be here. He wanted to leave the office so badly, to leave the fear and self loathing behind and never return but against his own wishes he slammed the door shut and turned around. An inner rage took over him faster than he could think of the consequences. The now, stupefied doctor almost couldn't believe what he'd done: "Daniel, what do you think you're doing?". Daniel answered with a determination that was very unusual of him, much like his earlier outburst: "I will not go, not until you've answered my questions". He expected the psychologist to try and sway him but was surprised to find the man didn't even bother. "Very well, take a seat and we will continue our talk."
Daniel felt like he'd never felt before, a newfound strength had taken over his senses overpowering his fears completely. He would not let it go to waste, his voice would be heard and his problems will be taken seriously. On his way back to his seat he took one last glance at the glass on the floor and now noticed the red liquid that was smeared across most of it. He was certain he had not seen it before and it was no longer something he could ignore. He sat down and asked the psychologist "Why, why is there glass on the floor and why is it covered in...blood?" The psychologist looked down for a second, shook his head, let out a nervous chuckle and then looked right back at Daniel "Are you sure that is something you'd like to know, Daniel?". Daniel had reached the apex of his confusion and with it came more anger. He stood up again and pointed his hand firmly at the psychologist "Stop deflecting my questions, you've answered nothing of what I asked you today, you keep staring at that fucking glass on the floor and you've taken my money, the money that I've worked hard for, without actually helping me one bit. You are a fucking lousy psychologist, you know that, right?". The man watched Daniel's outburst with a look of utter pity. He motioned Daniel to sit down. "Of all the times to exhibit courage, you had to pick the most inopportune moment. You are right, I have failed you but you need to understand a couple of things. You haven't paid me Daniel, you are not in a psychologist's office and I am not who or what you think I am.".
A firm conviction that the man spoke the truth overcame Daniel's rage filled mind and he sat down, struck by panic, his legs trembling just slightly: "What's going on then, where the hell am I?".
The psychologist gave Daniel his undivided attention. He would have given anything to have it moments ago and would give anything, now, for the man to ignore him. "I had hoped I could prepare you for this much better, Daniel, but I should have known you wouldn't be fooled" the psychologist spoke sincerely and with a touch of regret. "You are unconscious Daniel, you were cycling on your way home and a car hit you, your body was smashed against the car windshield and it saddens me to tell you, but you are seconds away from dying. I am a small piece of your subconscious mind and all that you see right now, this world, was created by your brain in an effort to make your passing away less unpleasant. Time moves slower here and you were given just enough time to walk out that door, sit yourself down someplace cozy on that beach, peacefully fall asleep, and never wake up. Instead you came back here. To me, You are hoping to hear answers that I can give you but they are not what you expect or what you wanted to find."
Daniel's face had turned red, his hands and legs started shaking almost uncontrollably. He opened his mouth to speak but found that he couldn't even produce anything else but a gargling sound. The unreal psychologist calmly continued. "This is what we've been trying to avoid, Daniel: complete, infallible panic. It's OK, you don't have to say anything, I know your mind inside out, I am a part of it and I will answer your questions, now. You want to know what your purpose in life is, if there is a god out there, what comes after you die and if anyone will remember you." The psychologist had paused to let Daniel process what was about to happen. Daniel's shaking had slowed down considerably but he was now struggling with a petrifying dread. After all this searching, he would finally have the answers that he thought he had wanted all along but now knew he didn't. The psychologist remained calm but Daniel somehow knew that what was about to follow was a sort of revenge for his inability to move on.
The psychologist was smiling, his eyes full of passion."Unfortunately the answers to your questions are fairly simple. Your purpose in life is what you chose it to be. You chose to sidestep your issues and not take risks, to play it safe, to avoid responsibility and made a habit out of blaming others for your failures. In a way, you never had a purpose, you chose to completely avoid having one.. You want me to tell you whether a god exists or not, but we both know you do not believe in one so as far as we're concerned he or she might as well not exist. You may, well you most certainly do, think it terribly cynical of me and downright malicious to give you these answers. I apologize, for all the good that will do you, but what follows when I'm done talking is nothing but death and in death there is nothing, No one and nothing else awaits you in the complete and utter darkness that will follow, it is in fact the end of the world for you and me, I know this scares you more than anything you've ever been scared of so please, take solace in the fact that there is peace there, pain is absent, and you will no longer experience this fear that, until now, has led your life. Goodbye Daniel, I wish I could say someone cared for you but you did not even care for yourself.".
The psychologist broke his trance like obsession with the glass and looked directly at Daniel. "I'm terribly sorry, Daniel, I am not having the best of days, but I beg of you, please do continue." Daniel was taken aback and paused for a bit. He did not expect to grab the man's attention so easily "I...I need an answer to all that I've told you about, I need a way to fix my life, I can't go on like this, everything feels so empty and meaningless, I have no one, nobody cares about me, nobody wants me, I just want..." He hesitated but with a pitiful sigh he finished the sentence "...to die". "Now, Daniel, we both know that is not true, you just want your voice to be heard and for someone to acknowledge your existence, but these are not things you should worry yourself with, right now. Our time is almost up, wouldn't you rather go outside and enjoy the rest of the day? It's quite pleasant out there." Daniel felt stupid for having said he wanted to die and even though he was not at all closer to an answer to his life crisis, he got ready to leave.
The psychologist smiled at him and urged him out. "Go on, the weather is very nice outside, it won't last forever.". Daniel forced himself to smile back. He got up, turned around, and started walking towards the door. On his way, he couldn't help but notice the pile of glass which seemed larger than before. The pieces of glass were small, the size of peanuts and seemed to be of similar shapes and sizes. They were not the remnants of a drinking glass, this was something else. He was certain it looked like laminated glass, the kind car windshields are made of and there was enough broken glass on the floor to have been just that, but it made no sense. Why would the psychologist keep a broken windshield in his office? He felt like he didn't actually need to know what the glass had been before it shattered, since it was none of his business anyway, and moved on. Daniel opened the door to the office and the sight had made him forget all about the glass. In front of him there was an ocean of purity, the brightest sun he had ever seen and a beach that he could only have ever witnessed in a dream. The beach and the ocean stretched parallel towards the horizon with no end in sight. His fears subsided and the sound of the waves gently crashing against the sand called to him. The sun filled him with warmth and the wind rubbed against his face. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to be here. He wanted to leave the office so badly, to leave the fear and self loathing behind and never return but against his own wishes he slammed the door shut and turned around. An inner rage took over him faster than he could think of the consequences. The now, stupefied doctor almost couldn't believe what he'd done: "Daniel, what do you think you're doing?". Daniel answered with a determination that was very unusual of him, much like his earlier outburst: "I will not go, not until you've answered my questions". He expected the psychologist to try and sway him but was surprised to find the man didn't even bother. "Very well, take a seat and we will continue our talk."
Daniel felt like he'd never felt before, a newfound strength had taken over his senses overpowering his fears completely. He would not let it go to waste, his voice would be heard and his problems will be taken seriously. On his way back to his seat he took one last glance at the glass on the floor and now noticed the red liquid that was smeared across most of it. He was certain he had not seen it before and it was no longer something he could ignore. He sat down and asked the psychologist "Why, why is there glass on the floor and why is it covered in...blood?" The psychologist looked down for a second, shook his head, let out a nervous chuckle and then looked right back at Daniel "Are you sure that is something you'd like to know, Daniel?". Daniel had reached the apex of his confusion and with it came more anger. He stood up again and pointed his hand firmly at the psychologist "Stop deflecting my questions, you've answered nothing of what I asked you today, you keep staring at that fucking glass on the floor and you've taken my money, the money that I've worked hard for, without actually helping me one bit. You are a fucking lousy psychologist, you know that, right?". The man watched Daniel's outburst with a look of utter pity. He motioned Daniel to sit down. "Of all the times to exhibit courage, you had to pick the most inopportune moment. You are right, I have failed you but you need to understand a couple of things. You haven't paid me Daniel, you are not in a psychologist's office and I am not who or what you think I am.".
A firm conviction that the man spoke the truth overcame Daniel's rage filled mind and he sat down, struck by panic, his legs trembling just slightly: "What's going on then, where the hell am I?".
The psychologist gave Daniel his undivided attention. He would have given anything to have it moments ago and would give anything, now, for the man to ignore him. "I had hoped I could prepare you for this much better, Daniel, but I should have known you wouldn't be fooled" the psychologist spoke sincerely and with a touch of regret. "You are unconscious Daniel, you were cycling on your way home and a car hit you, your body was smashed against the car windshield and it saddens me to tell you, but you are seconds away from dying. I am a small piece of your subconscious mind and all that you see right now, this world, was created by your brain in an effort to make your passing away less unpleasant. Time moves slower here and you were given just enough time to walk out that door, sit yourself down someplace cozy on that beach, peacefully fall asleep, and never wake up. Instead you came back here. To me, You are hoping to hear answers that I can give you but they are not what you expect or what you wanted to find."
Daniel's face had turned red, his hands and legs started shaking almost uncontrollably. He opened his mouth to speak but found that he couldn't even produce anything else but a gargling sound. The unreal psychologist calmly continued. "This is what we've been trying to avoid, Daniel: complete, infallible panic. It's OK, you don't have to say anything, I know your mind inside out, I am a part of it and I will answer your questions, now. You want to know what your purpose in life is, if there is a god out there, what comes after you die and if anyone will remember you." The psychologist had paused to let Daniel process what was about to happen. Daniel's shaking had slowed down considerably but he was now struggling with a petrifying dread. After all this searching, he would finally have the answers that he thought he had wanted all along but now knew he didn't. The psychologist remained calm but Daniel somehow knew that what was about to follow was a sort of revenge for his inability to move on.
The psychologist was smiling, his eyes full of passion."Unfortunately the answers to your questions are fairly simple. Your purpose in life is what you chose it to be. You chose to sidestep your issues and not take risks, to play it safe, to avoid responsibility and made a habit out of blaming others for your failures. In a way, you never had a purpose, you chose to completely avoid having one.. You want me to tell you whether a god exists or not, but we both know you do not believe in one so as far as we're concerned he or she might as well not exist. You may, well you most certainly do, think it terribly cynical of me and downright malicious to give you these answers. I apologize, for all the good that will do you, but what follows when I'm done talking is nothing but death and in death there is nothing, No one and nothing else awaits you in the complete and utter darkness that will follow, it is in fact the end of the world for you and me, I know this scares you more than anything you've ever been scared of so please, take solace in the fact that there is peace there, pain is absent, and you will no longer experience this fear that, until now, has led your life. Goodbye Daniel, I wish I could say someone cared for you but you did not even care for yourself.".
